serene: fuck cancer (fuck cancer)
[personal profile] serene posting in [community profile] no_pity
[posted to my journal and to [community profile] no_pity]

In theory, I'm all about finding balance in my life (cf. my decision to work at a good part-time job I love, rather than taking "better" offers for full-time work). But then the balance shifts.

Every bad pain day I have makes my available energy and time and mental oomph a moving target. Having three in a row, as I have this weekend, makes me start feeling discouraged and wondering if it'll ever end. But then I'll have a really good week, and I'll feel bullet-proof, and like I could do anything, and I'll start a magazine or something so that all my time is spoken for, well into the future.

The thing to discover is this: How much can I commit to doing in advance, and not risk the crash of having to drop it all if the pain flares up, or if the hormone pills make my legs feel like big slabs of tender meat?

I won't lie and say I'm not discouraged right this moment, but most of the time, I feel pretty good about my choices around this stuff. Most of the time, I let people know that my time and energy are more variable than they used to be, and I have people in my life who get it, and who don't expect me to do more than I can do. But there's so much I *want* to do, and it's hard for me to remember, on a good day, when nothing hurts, that next week, *everything* might hurt, and I might need to spend the whole weekend popping aspirin and sitting in the recliner.

For those of you who deal with varying levels of energy/pain/wellness, what do you do to keep that stuff on a relatively even keel?
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